Bodies

A few years ago, I went on a diet. It was the usual thing: I went to the gym and restricted my calories and as a result, I lost about eight or ten pounds. At a family get-together, one of my relatives commented on it. "Have you lost weight?" he asked. "You look great!"

But instead of feeling great, I felt uncomfortable. Which in turn, made me feel even more weird. Wasn't that the point of this whole thing? To have people give me compliments and tell me how good I looked? And yet even the most supportive of comments only served to make me feel monitored and evaluated. I gained back all the weight pretty quickly.

Flash forward to this past summer. I had just returned from China, so I hadn't seen any of my friends or family members for almost a year. I noticed one of my friends, already somewhat slender, looked like she had lost a little weight. I almost made a comment, intended to be complimentary. It was on the tip of my tongue before I stopped myself. There could be a million reasons why she looked thinner, and perhaps none of them involved deliberately trying to lose weight. She could be stressed. She could be sick. She could be dealing with a breakup or a food allergy or a new medication. In that moment it dawned on me that it was truly none of my business and that I have no right to comment on someone else's body without their explicit invitation.

Since that day, I've tried to remove myself from the culture of policing other people's bodies, even when the intentions are good and the comments are nothing but flattering. We're all observatory creatures by nature and that can't be helped, but it just doesn't seem to add anything to the conversation. It's hard sometimes, because it's so second-nature, but I try. I know I am grateful to friends of mine who feel the same way.

On a related note, the women over at Feminists With Disabilities have some great posts on body policing and disability. The authors have decided to cease updating, but here's a good one from the archives: Yes, I Have A Limp, And No, It's Not Really Any Of Your Business.

And now, I'm going to put this tired body of mine to sleep. Good night!